What to do when your relationship turns upside down..
In a time when the divorce rate hovers around 40%, most people have multiple relationships before marriage, and many are even choosing to forgo marriage in favor of cohabitation, failing relationships have become a part of everyone's life. Chances are, even if you have never had a break up or divorce, you're close to someone who has been.
Relationships are unique because, in a sense, they are complex and changing beings which not only take on attributes of the two people involved, but sometimes even taking on a synergy that comes from the melding of two individuals. Because of this, there is no easy fix for a bad relationship. Therefore, the following is not meant to be a step by step manual for fixing a bad relationship. Rather, it is meant to be an examination of one's self and the relationship as a method of analysis to figure out what aspects of the relationship need attention if the relationship as a whole is to be fixed.
Attributes Needed to Ask these Questions
Not everyone in a struggling relationship will be able to ask these questions, because to do it effectively one must undergo an overall attitude of humility . If you're egocentric, selfish, and stubborn, you may need some sort of conversion before adequately and honestly answering these questions. Besides, humility, here are a few more attributes you need to cultivate before objectively analyzing your relationship.
Correct Intent: If you are going to use these questions to assess your relationship, you need to do so with the correct intent. If you don't want to fix your relationship, then don't bother. If your intent is to cast blame on your partner, then don't bother.
Honesty: Next, one must be sure they are honest in answering these questions. This involves taking a sometimes harsh look at yourself, and sometimes a positive look on your partner whom you may resent. Try to be honest and objective, because if you're lying to yourself or your partner about what is good and bad in the relationship, you're only making it worse. This is one reason why humility is of utmost important. This also involves being open-minded about what you might find out about yourself and your partner when you ask these questions.
Selflessness: Fixing a relationship is hard work, and often requires a person to give of themselves more than they have been, especially concerning the relationship. If you are able to be honest and realize that you are partially to blame for hurting the relationship (which you probably will be), be selfless enough to fix it. This relationship isn't just about you... it's about both people involved (and sometimes others).
Relationships are unique because, in a sense, they are complex and changing beings which not only take on attributes of the two people involved, but sometimes even taking on a synergy that comes from the melding of two individuals. Because of this, there is no easy fix for a bad relationship. Therefore, the following is not meant to be a step by step manual for fixing a bad relationship. Rather, it is meant to be an examination of one's self and the relationship as a method of analysis to figure out what aspects of the relationship need attention if the relationship as a whole is to be fixed.
Attributes Needed to Ask these Questions
Not everyone in a struggling relationship will be able to ask these questions, because to do it effectively one must undergo an overall attitude of humility . If you're egocentric, selfish, and stubborn, you may need some sort of conversion before adequately and honestly answering these questions. Besides, humility, here are a few more attributes you need to cultivate before objectively analyzing your relationship.
Correct Intent: If you are going to use these questions to assess your relationship, you need to do so with the correct intent. If you don't want to fix your relationship, then don't bother. If your intent is to cast blame on your partner, then don't bother.
Honesty: Next, one must be sure they are honest in answering these questions. This involves taking a sometimes harsh look at yourself, and sometimes a positive look on your partner whom you may resent. Try to be honest and objective, because if you're lying to yourself or your partner about what is good and bad in the relationship, you're only making it worse. This is one reason why humility is of utmost important. This also involves being open-minded about what you might find out about yourself and your partner when you ask these questions.
Selflessness: Fixing a relationship is hard work, and often requires a person to give of themselves more than they have been, especially concerning the relationship. If you are able to be honest and realize that you are partially to blame for hurting the relationship (which you probably will be), be selfless enough to fix it. This relationship isn't just about you... it's about both people involved (and sometimes others).
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